the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
