she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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