It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
