Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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