One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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