But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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