no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
