I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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