There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize