Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
