Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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