You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
