then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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