I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
