The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize