I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
