last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
