Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
