u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
