I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
