If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
