you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize