I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
