Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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