Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
