pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
