When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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