Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
