Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
