spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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