I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
