Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
