I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize