But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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