did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
