i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
