Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i drank out of a bidet.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
