We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize