New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
