No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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