So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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