You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
