so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
