I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
