It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
