I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
