he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
