Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We got so high we made milksteak
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
