Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
