I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
