This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
