I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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