In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
