I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize