So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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