He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
