Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
