So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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