Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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