I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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