im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize