everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
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