so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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