carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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