so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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