im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
