dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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