I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
