I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
