I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
