i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
