My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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