I haven't been this sober since birth.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
